News Flash #5

So, about two blocks from my house (right along my daily route to work) is a house on a corner lot of a small subdivision. Ordinary house. Ordinary retired couple living there. Or so I thought when we moved in here years ago.

Every since, every summer season, as I drive by on my way to work, this elderly gentleman is outside on his sidewalk watching the grass grow.

Really. Watching the grass grow.

First, I should point out, no he is not looking at another person or object. He's staring straight down at the ground, eyes squinted, whilst studying each individual blade for imperfection. His pants are always hiked up to his armpits, and just fall three inches short of his brown loafers. Of course, his shirt is tucked in in a less than attractive manner.

Secondly, I should point out that he's not alone. Sometimes, there is a rake in one hand. Other days, there is a spray bottle of weed killer. And on those desperate days, it's the garden hose.

But, to the man's credit, he does have a damn good looking lawn. I suppose lawns grow better and greener when someone stares critically all day long. Seems like a lot of pressure. I'd probably crack if someone stared at me all day.

Lastly, I should point out that although the man looks ridiculously funny and I have ripped him apart here, it's very...comfortable... for me to see him on my way back and forth. Once, while there was construction being done on the road, I hit a harsh bump and pulled over near his house to make sure there was no serious damage. He set aside his bottle of weed spray, came over and said hello, and then looked himself. He said it looked okay and suggested that I reserve my Evil Knievel stunts for the track.

Made. My. Day.

Now, when I drive by and he breaks his death stare from the grass, he will wave to me and I'll wave back. I call him my Grass-Nazi-Man, or GNM for short. I'd miss him if he didn't obsess over his lawn all day.

xo klaterbye <3